Faulty Advice Friday | dr_shawtzfiyud

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Welcome back to Faulty Advice Friday!

The place to F I N A L L Y get your toughest questions a n s w e r e d.


Lydia,

I’ve lived most of my life believing I was better than the other people around me. How can I make everyone else see it too? Help!!!
srs answrs only pls – new yr new me vibes

Dr_shawtzfiyud

Dr_shawtzfiyud, I have to say thank you, I’m not sure why this is even a question, but honestly I love it. I need to ask though, are you a real doctor? Quid pro quo Clarice, quid pro quo. *tongue flicky noise* —

It’s perfectly natural not to be, most people aren’t. I, myself, am in fact not a doctor, I just play one on the internet. (*Bullshit. Don’t sue me.) Anyways, let’s keep the momentum going:

When you’re in such a deep state of denial the best thing you can do is stay there. Admitting defeat never got anyone anywhere good let alone where they deserved to be. I mean, take a look at the members of Scientology – they’re SPECTACULAR professionals in the art! With all those celebrities and not a hint of scandal in sight, who wouldn’t want to be Xenu’s next top Thetan? But I digress…

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Once you’ve committed fully to your denial, you’ll feel a weight lifting from the most underappreciated pieces of your soul. Why? Because you’re no longer allowing any of those nagging voices of truth in. Your belief must be unyielding, if you believe in you – they will. Clap if you believe! To go about forcing everyone else into submission – er, into shared delusions – uh, I mean, well, enabling this behavior. (what?) We have a couple of fool proof tactics to bring your narcissism to that extra level you’ll need in 2023.

Telling everyone how horribly they’re doing at life while boasting minor successes of your own will make you the envy around the water cooler. If you have subordinates, and you aren’t spending Friday morning meetings trying to see who you can make cry first – you’re doing it wrong.

*Pro Tip: One of the most under valued things about living in a constant state of denial is spreading it through out all facets of your life. After expelling the pent up energy from being misunderstood for so long, you’ll have certainly worked up an appetite fit for a feast. Case in point, that order of two chocolate shakes and an extra side of lard on your onion rings will 100% not go directly to your ass. Scouts honor. Bonapptheteeth doc.

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You were born a freakin’ star, why shouldn’t you be the apple of everyone’s eye? With a full heart, I do sincerely believe that implementing (at a minimum) 6-8 more complaints in your day*, and 3-4 redirected conversations to yourself before lunch will help pick up the pace.

*The complaints don’t need to be huge, just a bored exasperated sigh when others are working diligently nearby, or that the coffee shop spelled your name wrong and it ruined your morning snap.

You can do it, if you believe in yourself, you owe it to everyone else. They are ALL suffering silently right now.

Mercy doc, mercy. 🫣

Good luck, and never forget you are the main character in your own life – make sure everyone knows they’re just sidekicks.

Stay spooky!👻🥰


Advice given in this post should not be followed and is purely for comedic value.
Lydia Prime is not responsible for any person(s) who choose to do so and/or any damages incurred.
© Copyright Lydia Prime. All Rights Reserved.

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