Faulty Advice Friday | Pack0fl0new0lves

Welcome back to Faulty Advice Friday!

The place to F I N A L L Y get your toughest questions a n s w e r e d.


Lydia,

You’ve got to help me. I keep making plans with people but can’t seem to stick to em. I’m just not in the mood anymore. What should I do? How can I fix it?

Pack0fl0new0lves

Pack0fl0new0lves, welcome to the club… 🙄😞

Normally I find myself stuck on someone’s name for a moment, but when I saw this question, I could feel the need to help deep down in ma plums. *insert weird deep voice here*

More often than not, when one experiences the phenomena you’ve expressed here today, it can be chalked up to what we experts call, ‘Uh-oh spaghetti O’s!’

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While you find yourself longing for the companionship of loved ones, you’re simply easily seduced by the comfort of some rather voluptuous bed sheets. So what is one to do upon receiving the UOSO (phonetically: oOOo-so) diagnosis? Well I guess there’s out one way out: t h r o u g h.

Instead of continuing to be a disappointment to your parents, you’ll need to act quickly or the damage could be irreversible…

Step One: Stop trying to contact the outside world. Honestly, whats out there that you can’t get from 70 different streaming services, gaming consoles, news outlets and even porn? Plus man, they made pretty much everything deliverable. Commitment is key.

Step Two: Stop speaking. If you aren’t seeing anyone, you don’t generally need to speak aloud, do you? Step Two.oh: develop a series of click like echo location noises to help navigating around the homestead. While you’re not necessarily blind, those super rad florescent lights and lack of sunlight are top tier catalysts for taking that major leap.

Step Three: Wardrobe change! You’re going to need those hater blockers. Yeah, you heard me right. Even though you’re well on your way to becoming the ideal recluse, you should always have a pair of hater blockers on hand. Never know when you might have to improvise not seeing someone.

Step Four: Leave a Cryptic Message. You don’t want to lose those amazingly important humans that somehow don’t seem to measure up enough for you to see, SO you should get a little creative. Send messages like, ‘Ive joined a cult,’ or ‘you’ll never see lammoo again.’ This allows you a tiny out reach while maintaining your distance. #boundaries

Wellp, that’s that! This should be without a doubt an easy way to finally fix your peat problem. 👀❤️

Stay safe Pack0fl0new0lves, keep yourself locked up tight. Remember, if you can’t hide yourself, how in the hell you guna hide some body else? Lemme get some shovels up in here.

Stay spooky!👻🥰


Advice given in this post should not be followed and is purely for comedic value.
Lydia Prime is not responsible for any person(s) who choose to do so and/or any damages incurred.
© Copyright Lydia Prime. All Rights Reserved.

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