Faulty Advice Friday | SlAy_Belle

Welcome to Faulty Advice Friday! This is the place to get your toughest questions answered.


Lydia,

My kids always freak out around Christmas. The closer it gets, the more ramped up they get. My parents used to tell my Santa wasn’t coming, but that doesn’t seem to be working. How can I get them to knock it off?

SlAy_Belle

Welcome, SlAy_Belle, sorry to hear you’re dealing with some incredibly hyped up yule-lads. But tis the season, eh?🎄👻

I know you’ve mentioned you’ve offered vague, and most likely empty, threats of Santa not heading down your chimney. I’m sure you’ve told them that before, and without fail, you caved and Santa was allowed to distribute his gifts to all—stop me if I’m wrong. (I’m not, cuz I never am, ofc.🤣)

Sometimes, you’ve got to fight fire with fire. By this, I mean learn everything you can about the creatures who still roam through the minds of Europeans, using their collective creep factors to keep the yule-tide gay. Although, we like to believe living on a merit system—do good get rewards, blah blah blah—rarely does that end up working without providing the consequences.

There’s actually a being sometimes jokingly referred to as the Anti-Claus; although, he’s a bit of his own sorta monstrosity. This demon creeps through towns and sneaking into the homes of particularly awfully behaved chit-linz, and poppin’ em in the basket/cage on his back (perhaps as a snack for later). He delights in the whole flogging with a birch stick and has been known to leave coal in some situations. This intense monstrosity is none other than, Krampus. Guaranteed to scare your munchkins straight!

I can understand not being sure if you want to go to such lengths though. Sometimes scaring little ones can lead to late nights consoling their nightmares. Now, before you decide to investigate the Christmassy things that go bump in the night, make sure you’re prepared for whatever happens next. (Bed sharing, crying, etc.)

If you feel your tots are a bit too tater to hear about the horned beast who would happily accept them as their dinner, you can always take something of a more, guantanamo, approach.

All the infighting will give you a migraine, but you want to get into the Christmas spirit. Tie the kids to one another like they’re spies in your favorite series, but don’t just use any old rope-like thing you have laying about the house—use, the string lights. 😈

Once the Santa’s-elf-wannabe’s are secure, pop on your Santa hat and press play on that Christmas classic, All I Want for Christmas is You, by Mariah Carey. As those first couple notes begin to ring out, you’ll notice the eyes widening and the squirming begin to slow. Since they are in fact, children, it may take a few seconds longer for them to register exactly what level of Hell they’ve landed in. Be sure to proudly proclaim that this is what happens when they act up. Sing and dance around them while tossing strings of sparkly tinsel over them.

The beauty of this is that you’ll get your frustration out, have your own thing party, and for the first time in weeks, your kids will be silent. (O holy night!)

If they don’t learn their lesson from this, nothing short of throwing the whole kid away and starting again will work.

Either way, stay safe SlAy_Belle, and happy holidays! 😍


Advice given in this post should not be followed and is purely for comedic value.
Lydia Prime is not responsible for any person(s) who choose to do so and/or any damages incurred.
© Copyright Lydia Prime. All Rights Reserved.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s