Faulty Advice Friday | NewlyNeurotic

Welcome to Faulty Advice Friday! This is the place to get your toughest questions answered.


Lydia,

My anniversary is coming up, what should we do to celebrate?

NewlyNeurotic, Pennsylvania

Well, congratulations for the anniversary you’re celebrating, NewlyNeurotic! I’m sorry to say, however, that we won’t be doing much of anything… as we’ve only just met, but I think I can help you come up with something memorable anyway. No matter what you’re celebrating or who you’re with, you can pretty much break out this bad boy for any occasion.

Let’s start with the basics: you’re going to need some food, refreshments, decorations, and of course your closest friends and family (without going over this week’s max COVID occupancy limit). Take a stroll over to the local dollar store and snag whatever catches your eye.
Pro tip: you can’t go wrong with dollar store cheese slices. You can hold a flame directly on ’em and they’ll never melt ;). Thank me later.

An absolute MUST are those teeny tiny spongy pill things, that when dropped into water grow into big ol’ dinosaurs. (They’ll definitely make sense later, now’s not the time for more questions, Neurotic!)

If you’ve never investigated what’s available here, start by walking through the aisle of misfit toys for some creative ideas. Even if you don’t get anything from that aisle, at least the knock off amputee version of those popular pony toys will give you a chuckle.

Anywho, since you’ve got your Chernobyl proof cheese, you’re finally ready to get home and decorate. Hang the streamers, clean the room, spike the drinks if that’s what you’re into-cyanide or booze, dealers choice-and anxiously await your guests!

Once everyone has arrived, grab your drink and make a toast of gratitude. One thanking everyone for not only coming, but for being with you to witness this momentous event. With everyone on the edge of their seats, here’s where you inform them that you’ve finally gotten up the nerve to start this amazing journey. Drop down to one knee, take your partner by the hand, and look deeply into their eyes. If you can see the look of absolute shock and happiness on their face – you’re ready.

Hold out your hand, revealing the spongy pill and ask if they would grow some dinos with you.

One of two things will happen, you’ll get a dino growing partner, OR you’ll get to grow ’em all on your own and enjoy your social status of extinction with your real friends.

Fingers crossed for ya, NewlyNeurotic! Be sure to let me know how it goes 😍!


Advice given in this post should not be followed and is purely for comedic value.
Lydia Prime shall is not responsible for any person(s) who choose to do so and/or any damages incurred.
© Copyright Lydia Prime. All Rights Reserved.

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