Faulty Advice Friday | TuhTewzz

Welcome to Faulty Advice Friday!

The place to F I N A L L Y get your toughest questions answered.


Lydia,

I’ve always wanted to get a tattoo, but I’m not thrilled by pain. Or blood. How do I make sure I follow thru?

TuhTewzz

TuhTewzz, your name immediately causes me to wonder what knowledge you possess of The Equestranauts… but we’ll let it slide…. For now…. πŸ‘€πŸ€”

You’re not good with pain or blood? I assume that means only your blood… If that’s the case, it would make sense to see if you and your artist could complete some sort of blood sacrifice (pro tip: in a pinch, just grab some random off the street. Usually an offer of puppies and candy helps!) before starting. Sanitation issues might be cause for pause here bud, but at least if it was just your blood that you had trouble with, well, it would be hard to know what’s what after all that, eh? Modern Solutions. This feels sort of like I just told you to Pimp Your FearTMSide thought: wouldn’t that be a pretty sick idea to revamp another throw back, can someone call Xzibit? MTV? *Insert me laughing at my screen thinking about him saying ‘Yo dawg, we heard you hate blood, so we put blood in your blood!’* (Please don’t sue me.)

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Pain isn’tas complicated to get through though. There’s a surprising variety of concoctions available to keep those intensity levels at bay, although they typically come along with years of substance abuse trouble and sometimes a new twitchy movement you don’t know you’re doing… I guess, you also want to make sure you’re prepared for that. Of course, you can always decide to take a look at a body chart for the least painful places and just have some advil on hand eh? It’s using teeny tiny baby shark teeth to color in your body, not a firing squad. Suck it up buttercup.

If you still find yourself desperate for a tattoo but couldn’t possibly see success in conquering the above mentioned problemos, there’s always your local street fair and/or jail.

Hang on, hang on. Just hear me out wouldja? Start out by planning what crime you’ll commit. You’re just trying to get picked up, locked up, and inked upβ€”that means, no 25 to life kinda bids. How’s about you just, I don’t know, take a few hostages at a bank or something low key like that? Seems like a solid way to land yourself in the slammer. (See previous FAF on how to do that amazingly, here)

Once you’ve done whatever deed you choose, you should have landed a snazzy pair of metal bracelets. If not, repeat until you’ve made it so.

Commissary is a wonderful thing in the joint. Hoard some chili, shebangs, and a whole buncha tuna so you can get ready to trade. I mean shiiiiiiit, maybe you’ll actually get lucky and have some kinda psycho Picasso to share a cell with.

I absolutely understand that jail’s not always for everyone, so don’t worry. Not everyone can be the mitochondria. Most people can almost always commit when they’ve decided the street fair is where their people are. There will be a line of children waiting to befuddle a very exhausted and over worked adult. Once youve waited your turn and you’re sitting in the chair, you’re going to need to brace yourself… You see, those stick on/water/temporary ones don’t hurt but sometimes the waters like suuuuper cold. Brrrr! πŸ₯Ά

No matter what you decide, make sure you pick something you like. Doesn’t matter what Bubba in Unit N6 thinks!😘

Stay safe TuhTewzz, and maybe this weekend should be one for discoveries! I vote for blood sacrifice Sundays! Wait… Is it too late for me to keep that? πŸ˜…πŸ€£

All the luck in the world, and please send pics if you do get one β€οΈπŸ˜€

Stay spooky!😍


Advice given in this post should not be followed and is purely for comedic value.
Lydia Prime is not responsible for any person(s) who choose to do so and/or any damages incurred.
Β© Copyright Lydia Prime. All Rights Reserved.

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